There is no easy way
February 23, 2008 by Seasons
Am listening to James Ingram’s ‘Best of..’ and this post title comes from a song that is quite relevant to what is going on in my life right now.
But there are times the best is no damn good
And no matter how you try to be kind
There’s always still a part of you you’ll leave behind
When they fall apart
There’s no easy way to break somebody’s heart.
My mind is preoccupied as of late, and not with good thoughts or positive thinking. I have been sick these last days, not with any physical illness, but rather a sense of betrayal and heartache. It has stolen my appetite and disrupted my sleep. I am riddled with anger and confusion.
I find myself despondent and have to maintain a facade to all around me that am happy, contented and all is well. Deep down, I know things are far from good. My relationship has slowly lost its spark and although business is surprisingly good and I am busy, I am completely under the weather.
It is 2 pm on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, the kids are with their Mum and I am in the house alone blog hoeing and with no interest for company. My girlfriend want to meet up later for a drink but She is the last person i wish to be with right now. She really has done nothing wrong but I guess when its over it really is over( Huh? What do I mean?). I am still working on an easy way to end it.
I can get out and watch rugby( Floodlit finals are today) but I don’t feel like crowds, I can wash and polish the cars(that sometime lifts my spirits) but it will be temporary.. a rush of endorphins from a good work out would be great, but the gym will be crowded.
I need to tie up this loose end and move on. How do I tell her that this is going no where? How do I do it without hurting her? I can lie that I have met someone else (Nah..She will see through this). I have known from January that I need to move on- Lord know why I have not told her as yet. Maybe I should email her the url to this blog post.
I guess I need to understand why I want it over so that I can break it down to her. All I know is that, I want out.
The opportune moment will come…
There is no better way to tell a lady there ain’t no sparks anymore..I think you should search your heart more and when all is done, then a man got make a decision…leaving her just like that may down her self esteem, try to bring her to some comfort zone…make her know her positives and make it clear that you still want her to be your friend for better, for worse..You been there, done this, done that and i pray that your experiences are going to lead you into the right decision
Thanks for advise dude.
That’s a tough one..best thing is tell her the truth. Its always better than a lie! If she’s happy being with you she’ll definitely get hurt. You can break-up but don’t shut her out cos that will break her some more.
All the best and its easier said than done.
You’re tagged am sure the timing ain’t tha’ perfect….
I will keep it close to the truth. I will oblige the tag. You better halla when you get to Nairobi. I can buy the lunch here
Not easy, Sorry I can’t offer any advise on this one.
Pole sana. Not an easy one. But the truth will save the day. best wishes.
Not an easy feat but a necessary one. i sympathise, however, instead of playing out long, complicated and potentially hurtful end games, one needs to learn the art of walking away. If it’s dead, leave it. If she was paying close attention to the relationship, chances are she already knows it’s over. This is really more to do with YOU than with her. Letting go, communicating the intent and walking away means you are exercising control and good decision-making powers, -you are making your choice rather than letting the situation control you.
Best wishes..
I actually dont think she knows its over or even close to. I have managed to keep matters as normal as possible.
Everything happens for a reason. Pray. Song I sing often “Why worry when you can pray”. God has good thoughts for us. Pray for a peace of mind and guidance to make right decisions and God will solve everything at the right time.
I just don’t want to leave a string of broken hearts in my wake but it may seem that way.
well, there is no easy way, no matter how you try to break it to her, you will still break her heart, so the best thing is not to leave it for to long, it only gets harder for you. and (maybe) worse for her. better do it now. trust me, i know. oh, and please dont use the “its not you its me line”…
Hi Mso, That line actually fits what I feel but it is so corny that I will not use it. I will try and and take her for dinner and talk to her.
i must say reading this post has helped explain things that happened to me recently. yes, it’s not easy. no matter what you say, or how, there is no easy way to break someone’s heart. (oh, i know darn well about this)
i won’t offer advice, all i’ll say is be honest. just tell her what is. it worked for me, maybe it’s coz i sensed something was up so i was prepared mentally but not psychologically.
hope all works out well.
Thanks Modo. I will be honest and tell her exactly how I feel
This is too familiar. {{{S&R}}}
Thanks Gish. It is very tough and confusing
pole sana!
I don’t know about taking her out to dinner first though.
I’m of the ‘rip it off like a band-aid’ school of thought. trying to cushion it will probably just hurt her more…..
And don’t act like a jackass so she has to break up with you. I had a guy do that once. It sucked.
Either way, pole sana.
I’ll share my favorite sayings for such times:
“This too shall pass” and “No condition is permanent”
I plan to be a gentleman as we talk. I am hoping to do this before the weekend and I will prepare myself well.
Pole sana,
Never been easy breaking it down to anyone that a relationship is over, but to save you that phase in limbo, something has to be done.
To humour you, I was in such a state about a year ago. When I got the guts to break it down to the guy that I wanted out, he gave me a straight NO, ITS NOT OVER!! He kept ’seeing’ me long after I was out of the relationship
Hi Maya, I hope it ends well and she does not insist that we try and make it work.
I am going through the same thing. My heart is telling me there are greater things for me out there, but on the other hand, the girl has given me everything that I have ever wanted in a relationship. She has stuck with me through thick and thin. But I am no longer in love with her, but I love her.
Please don’t stay as a ‘thank you’ or pity. I think she will appreciate if you tell her how you feel. I intend to do just that
Dude
It must be hard, the dinner scenario might not work out well if she’s hurt out of her mind and acts out, i.e throwing cuttlery all over and wine on you and stuff. Maybe you two should meet in a place where you can both offload negative energy as you talk it out, a hike perhaps. But yenyewe its hard, been there a few times myself oh and the let’s be friends@!#$%$#@ pls don’t use it coz friends dont bail on each other when stuff gets boring/ goes nowhere etc.
All the best.
The best advise yet! I was intending to use the lets be friends line. Dinner was supposed to be today!
Perhaps you have long ended it… nonetheless.
Cause and effect…
Lying will only create a negative cause in your life and you will reap the effects shortly after. How would you like someone to treat you if they were to end a relationship with you? Tell it like it is, as honest as possible without being brutal. But hurt is inevitable especially if she is into you!
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