Lost time and frustration
April 28, 2008 by Seasons
I have lost days somewhere… I cant believe April is gone. I cant trace what I have done and what value I have added to the world this month.
Am a gadget boy and usually have my schedules synchronized on my phone and laptop. Regardless of what I have scheduled, In my mind I divide the month into 4 weeks and plan my travel on week 2 and 3 choosing to be in Nairobi the last week of the month. This because we are an end of the month economy and usually that is when deadlines die( ok that line is weak..but its my blog after all and no one is marking this composition)
Yes, I can see where I have been and remember people I have met but I cant see any results. I am the type of person who usually set goals,meticulously put a plan in place to meet them and majority of the time meet them. That is why I am frustrated that I have missed two major goals that were supposed to be completed by April 2008!
First, I have been working on launching a new product. I received the research on it late last year, got the team together and assigned roles. I have been following up the progress but now we seem stuck because the regulator has not approved the product( and we are heavily regulated) and then the advertising agency I have been using could not deliver the communication strategy on time( they have since been fired). Relationship with the regulator is my job and although there is a team member who handles Branding, I am ultimately responsible for the team and I stand to lose most if this does not work. My 1st quarter travel has not helped in this endevour.
Secondly, I am in the process of adopting a lad who was displaced in the politics of this nation earlier part of this year. Anyone who knows the Kenyan justice system may understand how slow things can be. I of course did not expect the process to be completed this year but I thought I would see some major progress on the matter and the boy to move in with us.
First the court rejected the proposed guardian ad litem for a flimsy reason in my opinion and I had to look for another one. Next, we are now stuck because the social worker who assessed me have a problem with my travel schedule. My lawyers tells me that in addition the court may have a problem with my being single and I already bring up two children on my own ( and maybe their opinion is slanted by my being divorced). This is an intention to give a child a better life than they have and one they deserve; if this court charade continues though,I could give up. However, am informed by my folks that I was born fighting health wise and as long as I can remember I have always battled ( long story but will be in my memoirs) and this matter is one I intend to fight to see go through. I however am quite frustrated at the moment.
Back to April, where the hell did you go? I still have so much unfinished business!
First, you are an angel for trying to adopt that boy! i wish more of us could do the same….. lakini I hear in kenya its just better to take the kid, start living with them and forget the legal system! its easy that way…. That maybe so, lakini, the legal position give the boy much more security.. inheritance for example and I just prefer to do things properly
Now moving on, I NEVER make any plans, I just go along and see what happens, and I prefer last minute rash adrenalin pumping!
I cant handle things that way..oh am a planner!
Hebu look for your april!!!!!!!! haki you fired people?
Hiring comes with firing…and my territory
Waoh what an angel you are hope there will be some light somewhere or you just do just as half has said.
As for planning each month is lived by the day uuuh. Eeh firing ok nimekimbia …
I hate systems which put procedure above purpose. The best interests of the child should out rank any other consideration. What they should have done is at least give you temporary custody while assesing your suitability.
Kirima, the social worker believes that child is better in a camp than in a house of someone who travels a lot and is a great father( do I say) to his own children.. yeah go figure
Firing is as unpleasant as it is necessary sometimes. If the reasons are convincing to me I have no problem.
I have never been able to deal with firing but since it is such a necessity in business, I roll with the punches
First things first……congrats on the adoption decision and I will say a prayer that the process ends well.
Thanks, I hope things go well!
As for April……hata mimi na shangaa vile imeisha haraka. Roll on May though….two bank holidays, my birthday and rugby….what more can a girl ask for? Yeah yeah..I will be on leave and so bring on the rugby!
Seasons since unkuja hivi….how about the kenyan jersey for rugby? Si, I have asked politely? - *Insert cheeky smile here*
You mean you don’t have the jersey yet! Aaaannd you call yourself a Kenyan walalala.. well since you asked nicely..ok I will bring one over… there are two types but they both have ‘virgin’ written all over them.
By the way I maybe there this weekend or early next week
I have read and now let me go back and understand especially the bit about the child being better off in a camp than in a house WHERE THERE ARE TWO OTHER KIDS already- who seem to want for nothing.And I will try to not be angry at said social worker as I read………………now where is that vodoo doll again.
The law looks at things different..but this one I must win
I applaud you for your decision to adopt! Hubby and I know we also want to one of these days.
so please don’t chapa me for being the devil’s advocate here but I can kinda see the hesitation that they have with letting you take the boy.
We all know that the world is full of evil people who horrible things to children that they take on so I can see the hesitation of having a single man adopt a little boy.
I’m not saying you’re evil. I’m just saying step out of the situation and see it from a stranger’s perspective whose job is to make sure that they don’t place the child in an abusive situation that is permanent with no way for the child to ever get out. So I’m all for slow but sure in this case.
Again please please usinione kwa ubaya. I’m just playing devil’s advocate here so here is my second argument.
Material resources aren’t all that kids need. They also need tons of attention. Especially a kid thats already lost so much at such an early age.
I’m saying all this from a weird first hand experience as an ‘adopted’ kid. Trust me. Access to wealth was good but I was seriously abused (psychologically) in that situation and nobody could get me out of it. I was trapped.
So, i’m sure you’re an upstanding guy but poverty is not the absolute worst thing that can happen to a child.
So I would challenge you to really interrogate your reasons for wanting to adopt. Is this the absolute best way you can help this young man? Does he have other family that you would be uprooting him from? Can you help him in a way that keeps him connected to them?
o.k. again i’m not insulting you. Just trying to give a different perspective based on my own experiences. You can ona me ‘in camera’ if you want more hard questions thrown your way.
But again, I admire you having an open heart for this child.
You have raised pertinent points which my legal team covered with me.i.e the issue of abuse etc. When I decided on adopting this child, it was after my kids and I visited an IDP camp in Nairobi and us meeting him. He basically has no parents and although there are distant relatives, they are not able cater for him properly.
Of course I expected my intentions to be questioned and I knew my family situation will be under a spotlight. However, I wish the social worker in question took time to observe how I relate to my kids or interview family, neighbors etc. She only visited once when I was in Tz on a business trip and asked my youngest daughter whether she is ‘happy’ with my traveling- what did she expect a 6 year old to say. The even had an audacity to discuss tribe and culture issues( My kids are from 3 ethnic backgrounds and the boy is from yet another)
The kids Nanny told the Social worker about worker how although I may travel, I never miss school events, important days and if the kids are not well, I postpone my trips. I also tend to feel they focused too much on my relationship with my ex-wife. I did not write this on the post, but they rejected the guardian ad litem because of his religious beliefs( He is agnostic) but he is one of the best human beings I know.
The process is taking way too long and it is frustrating. I will write to you kando
and now back to regular programming.
Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans- that is where your April went (that is my excuse and I am sticking to it).And didn’t this month have like five weeks salala?
okay, I can see the social worker’s point but my question would be, “is the point being made evidence based?”.A child with a father figure for three weeks out of four is better than a child with no father figure at all? Yes/NO?
Being single would work against you in any court, me thinks but the fact that you already have two children already surely must be telling of how you manage as a single father.
Then again, the social worker has got to cover the child and her/himself as well. He/she probably has a set criteria to follow(child protection policies are SCARY!)- hence the headache they give you.
However do not stop trying to offer this lad a better life.You are a better person than most.
Kudos for making the decision to adopt the boy. I sorta hear what HnH sed, which is exactly what we did a couple of years ago. Good thing is that ours is a relative, distant but relative all the same. Maybe by the time we get to do the paperwork the legal system will be a bit easier to tackle.
One thing I can tell you for sure, the rewards that come with seeing him growing into a much doted on young boy (my sis dresses him like those youngsters in music videos), the joy on his and our faces when he brings his report cards home, the fact that he started calling our ma ‘mum’ and that he doesnt cry so much over his parents any more gets us every time…Keep fighting. It’s a truly enriching experience.
For me, April felt like a really short month, for reasons I shall call, uh, mighty significant events…coupled with the fact that I’m a control freak and I pull hair out when things, or in this case, people don’t go my way…frustration ranked way up there so I feel you
I hope May proves to be ultra productive for you…and with lots to show for it.
I so need that lesson on planning. The adoption process is a bitch but well i hope it works out in the end.
April is gone, May is here.
thats a noble act. if all kenyan men were like you i think this place would be a better place. God bless!
I though I was the only one who saw this year flying. I can’t believe we are almost half-way. Still a lot has to be accomplished, starting with drafting the New Year resolutions.
Hey
Just wondering if you ever established a relationship with your son with Eddah?
Wow..you have memory! Turned out was not my son after all and now lives in New Jersey with the mother/Things women do. A long story and one I never thought should grace this blog
Time does fly…ok…not for me this year but last year was just crazy..one day it was monday and the next furahiday. it was so crazy cos the weekends were really slow. I was almost living the dream…what with a quick week!
Now huyu sera is hating…..honestly I think one should at least know their facts..eish…nyhoo wacha niende!
WOOOHOOOO….here comes my birthday present. See how asking politely and dropping hints gets you stuff. Nione kando for size.
[...] turned out well. The adoption process is on course and am really excited! The problem we had in April was the guardian ad litem or what they call the friend of the court who will be responsible for the [...]